iTHINK iBLOG

I'm bout to be back

2009-02-17T16:59:00.001-08:00

I'm about to be back. I switched to tumblr for a while. I've been on hiatus over there. Trying to focus on some real life shit, but I've been thinking of coming back here.

2007-10-29T13:30:00.000-07:00

ithinkiblog

r kelly

2007-10-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

Couldn't Help It

2007-08-22T15:20:00.001-07:00

The Werewolf Skit (retard Edition) - The funniest movie is here. Find it

Denver Mayor Was A Part Time Bouncer

2007-08-01T09:18:00.000-07:00

A Denver CO Mayor got himself into a little bit of trouble when he was found working part time as a bouncer a local strip club. The problem is, the place was under wraps for allowing lap dances, which are illegal in CO.

Dale Sparks, mayor since 1999, worked for just over a year at The Bare Essence while serving as mayor.

He is charged with complicity in a criminal enterprise and violations of the city's adult
entertainment code.

Lap dances are banned in the city and dancers aren't allowed to be within three feet of customers. A raid last year found the club in violation of those laws.

I love stories like this. What kind of place elects a Mayor that would ever even think of working at a strip club part time? It's like the time I hired my friend to help out at my work for a day... it made for a good time, but it wasn't the best idea.

I salute you Denver.

zack.

I Will Not

2007-07-26T14:32:00.000-07:00

I refuse to try and explain Coultin Porter from Morgan Utah. All I will say is read his blog. The explanation will come right away. . . Ok, I'll explain him a little. He's a priceless gem of a man-boy that can't help but attract every person he comes in contact with, and not by his good looks which basically don't exist or his nice smell which is nowhere near as nice as it sounds when I just said it back there, but instead he attracts them with his. . . ughm. . . his inner Coultin. You see Coultin's a lot like...Coultin, and people like to listen to him, or let him listen to them, and he loves to hear every word they have to say. I will never forget when a dude ran an invisible sword through the air and in to a non existent body and loved ICP. Coultin relates to these people because he loves Korn as much as they do. He's whutchoocall ghettofabulousfromthecountry.

AND HERE IT IS.... ROYAL PISS

A big Ole "Suck You" to Belgium

2007-07-25T15:53:00.000-07:00

Belgium's Prim Minister gave his people the big finger with this one. So good:

Belgium's prime minister-in-waiting is in trouble after it emerged he couldn't remember his country's national anthem.

and then went on to be stumped on some other shit that he "should" know.

His response you ask?:

"I have much more important things to do than this crap. Those who are after me will pay for it sooner or later," he said.

source: ananova

WAY OLD? WAY GOOD

2007-07-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if this is old or not, but I know I'm dying laughing about it:

GENIUS!

2007-07-20T17:45:00.001-07:00

glumbert.com - Car Trouble

GENIUS!

2007-07-20T17:45:00.000-07:00

glumbert.com - Car Trouble

SORRY

2007-07-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

To all those that log in to this blog via http://www.zackmctee.com...I'm sorry, I was fooling with my settings and everything went wacky. I forwarded zackmctee.com to the wrong blog and that's why it ended up on something about somebody and their marriage problems.... it wasn't me.

zack.

Crocs

2007-07-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

http://www.slate.com/id/2170301/

riptide vs undertow

2007-07-14T06:27:00.000-07:00

so much for sleeping in. so much for peace and quiet. as of now it's official, and you will be disturbed. you are disturbed. forget the old plan. the new plan is to wing it. whatever bubbles bubbles up, and come as it may, dealing with it is the only option. and even not dealing with it is a way of dealing with it. no reason to lose your head, but good luck staying calm. the life preserver slid overboard and since you went to get it, now you get to use it. this is not a drill. this is a test. this is not gym class. no one else is treading water. no one else is with you. there is no time limit. only pass or fail. swim or sink. go ahead, wish this was a sink. lose your head. dream that just below there are pockets of air and dip down to take a breath. no one knows you're gone. no one knows you're here. no one is coming to get you. you will not be identified. you, much like love, are just a faded memory. and mr. marx is calling his hair stylist to see what year it is but no one is picking up the phone and there's a beep and a message left, followed by much pacing in front of an open window with the curtains drawn. this is no time. hours? minutes? your lactic acid's burnding baby. your heart is bleating. where is your flock? where is your will? who gets your shoes? and what about all those song lyrics you wrote in your journal? "being with you is just like being alone..." will they be going through your stuff? how embarrassing. and for what? there are no clues. they'll do it to remember, but then they'll find out that not only did they not know you at all but that you really didn't like them and how you felt guilty about it but really you just can't help it and it's nothing personal and you wouldn't care if they didn't like you back. and your imagination bumps your foot again. there's nothing down there, you're sure of it. but maybe sitting still isn't the best idea. this is no department store. there is no paging mrs. with the intercom. but which way? every which way is loose. if sitting still makes sense then the direction you pick doesn't matter. just go. think "swoosh". think about tiny fingers in sweatshops sewing and sewing and sewing for not enough to make you roll out of bed. compare. contrast. and think about how if you make it back you're gonna make a difference. you're really gonna try. you're gonna be somebody, for somebody else. so somebody else can be somebody. you'll be wind so they can spread and fly. you're gonna realize what it's all about and understand the interconnectivity of it all and realize that no one is no one and we all play an important role and the doctors aren't doctors without patients and that someone has to buy the land so someone can sell it and that chaos is harmony when you take a nice big mother may i step back and look at the world from a distance and realize that even bette midler has julie gold and yeah maybe bette made all the money but i'm sure julie got a nice card once the christmas album came out. and just so you know, it's thoughts like these that let us know our mind is playing tricks on us. too bad part of the trick (the sharp point aimed at your eye) is that it's your mind playing the trick and thus you don't know it's a trick. and even being told it's a trick is part of the trick. and remember, not knowing the rules does not make you exempt. it is not an excuse. and all fines are doubled in work zones.

New Juke Joint

2007-07-13T14:41:00.001-07:00

Top 500 Most profitable companies.

2007-07-12T16:59:00.000-07:00

6 out of the top ten deal with oil and gas. Coincidence? Who killed the electric car? Who Cares, these guys are loaded!

Rank	Company	Revenues ($ millions)	Profits ($ millions)
1	Wal-Mart Stores	351,139.0	11,284.0
2	Exxon Mobil	347,254.0	39,500.0
3	Royal Dutch Shell	318,845.0	25,442.0
4	BP	274,316.0	22,000.0
5	General Motors	207,349.0	-1,978.0
6	Toyota Motor	204,746.4	14,055.8
7	Chevron	200,567.0	17,138.0
8	DaimlerChrysler	190,191.4	4,048.8
9	ConocoPhillips	172,451.0	15,550.0
10	Total	168,356.7	14,764.7

[source cnn]

Michael Moore Live

2007-07-10T09:46:00.001-07:00

Roger Daltrey on LIVE EARTH

2007-07-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

"the last thing the planet needs is a rock concert."

grand

2007-07-05T14:20:00.001-07:00

the heart of the matter vs the part of the arichoke you don't eat

2007-06-28T19:43:00.000-07:00

i need a core. i'd love to have some gravity, something real pulling from the inside. a nice dense something or other that has some weight and exerts it's natural forces on the things in its immediate vicinity so that i could also have a fringe. you know, like all those little stars out there in the night sky trying so hard to use there momentum and their own gravity to pull away from the theoretical giant black hole at the center of our galaxy. or like pigpen from peanuts. i'm imagining that having a center of some worth would be much like being a real person. which is something else i think i'd like. and then the lever is pushed back down or the knob is turned and the water is off and that's that mattress man and the cord drags on the floor on your way out.

Go Skateboarding Day Gone Bad

2007-06-28T10:11:00.001-07:00

this video gets worse and worse.

Watch that video, and then fill the following phone line/e-mail address with complaints. This is absolutley horrible, that man should be thrown in jail.

Hot Springs Arkansas Police Department
Phone: (501) 321-6789
Fax: (501) 321-6708
Chief of Police, Bobby Southard
Email: bsouthard@cityhs.net
641 Malvern Avenue Hot Springs, Arkansas 71901

stevie wonder on the talk box.

2007-06-27T15:48:00.000-07:00

So I guess in Kanye's new song he decided to "use" the talk box. I like how Stevie does it.

Also,

2007-06-26T10:58:00.000-07:00

I'd like to Welcom HILLARY RUST to the team of writers here at Zack McTee Dot Com. He is added to the already stellar roster of Brian Brown & of course Zack McTee. Postings from Brian will appropriately say posted by Brian Brown. Postings from Hillary will inappropriately be posted by hraw. So fowl. So....FOUL!

enjoy the new spice on the site.

I got a table tennis court now.

video of me killing...coming much later.

zack.

MySpace Friends

2007-06-26T10:55:00.000-07:00

I love all the invites I get from people who want to be my "friend". These "women" are closer to being robots than Rosie from the Jetsons.

I love how it looks like Sharon has a super long back and big ass if you connect the two bodies together.

vidya gamez

2007-06-26T09:48:00.000-07:00

i've always thought that charles barkley looks exactly like bald bull from mike tyson's punch out. maybe they're the same person.

the only way that works

2007-06-25T20:11:00.001-07:00

so we'll skip the beginning cuz you know how we feel about beginnings. in fact, we'll skip just about all of it and just start with this -

okay, so wake up in the morning and exercise. make up some kind of stretching routine and then probably sit-ups push-ups are best. low impact. then eat some breakfast while checking your email. breakfast should most always be something like not poptarts but if that's what you got then okay do it but i warned you. oh, and also your email should be something light, like mostly spams you can delete. then you go to work. while at work, try to find a way to keep yourself occupied that doesn't involve you actually working. doing people "favors" is a good idea cuz then at least they like you and can't get on you too bad when they catch you under a desk "thinking". but okay, so avoiding work is important if you are going to be thinking about your ideas. and thinking about your ideas is the hard part. getting the ducks lined up and their feathers straight is of utmost importance. don't worry about spelling yet. everyone is a perfect speller inside their own head. unless you're one of the poor saps that got stuck with a brain that can't keep up with itself and it uses words that it doesn't know how to spell and so it keeps on reminding itself about how it misspelled words and it has to keep yelling back and forth about spell check and how it does or doesn't work on words that are technically as of that point in time kinda made up but that's all going to change really soon. okay, so now you have to work. it's inevitable. someone is going to find a way to make you earn your pay. they are going to make you worth it whether you like it or not. but first, take a break. first, insist on a break. okay good. now make some notes about your ideas on anything you can find. this would be a good time to go back in time and mention that keeping a pen and paper handy is good. so do that. i mean go back in time and mention that earlier so you'll know to grab it on the way out of your house or oh no! even better, that will be "what you are doing" when someone asks when you're really thinking about your ideas when you really should be working. no really, you should be working. okay so go ahead. once that horribleness is over and you've gotten back to your house, or apartment that you refer to as your house, start looking up all the words you couldn't tell yourself how to spell when you were thinking about your ideas. spend a good ten minutes wondering why the phrase "suicide squad" is listed as an entry in your dictionary. try to find a 1-800 number you can call to ask how exactly they decide what entries get in. if you find a number and someone answers, don't forget to mention how if someone can't infer the meaning of "suicide squad" from the two word's separate definitions then maybe there is something wrong with the way it's being used in the context of the actual sentence and it's not the dictionary's fault and thus not it's job to list two words like that to help people understand things like that. which said listing thus causes you to have to waste your valuable thinking time on this exact phone call to try to get your head wrapped around the whole issue at hand. hang up the phone. do some more exercises. blood flow increases creativity. right? well, okay then, prove me wrong. i'm sticking to my guns on that one. after you exercise you should take a shower cuz you don't want to stink. dry off. clean your ears and toenails now cuz it's easier when they are damp. have you eaten since breakfast? well, you should get some food then. either cook something that takes a while or walk somewhere to get food. anything to take up a bit of time so you can think more. after you eat, clean. clean anything. but clean it well and make sure it takes at least half an hour of your time. okay, you're almost ready. so sit down and crack your fingers. now get up and make some coffee. you'll need coffee to constrict and counteract the excess blood flow from the exercise cuz too much is just as bad. look, it's a delicate balance. the window is only so big and you have to fit, you have to. now sit back down. now check your emails again. answer whatever ones you feel like and make them as long winded as possible. okay, nothing left to do now except get your ideas out of your head. are you staring at your computer with your hands poised above the keyboard and nothing is happening? okay good. get frustrated. oh even better! get mad! curse out loud. okay good. look at the book next to your bed and think about inspiration. get none. you're so close. now go to someone else's idea that they've worked hard on, like you friend's blog or something, and add your piddly two cents and you've done it. you're a writer! fuck yeah. congratulate yourself big time and reward yourself with something you do all the time like watching malcom or talking on the phone and keep telling yourself you're just taking a break. you're just taking a break. and don't ever edit or rewrite. you are perfect so whatever comes out of you is perfect every time all the time. like god. rinse, lather, and repeat. rinse, blather, and reap the benefits. binge, blather, and reap the benefits.

east of omaha

2007-06-24T16:36:00.000-07:00

the crack is getting bigger. and the bigger it gets the more the two once separate sides mix. and the more they mix the bigger the crack gets and the more they mix and the bigger the crack gets until the crack is part of the mix and the mix is part of the crack and the little boy has run out of fingers and the water is rising and the levy is just dying to give way and all we can think to do is think about getting up off the couch to go and watch but we only think it and we don't get up and we just stay firmly planted with our orange stained fingers in the bag, which is where we hide the remote these days since they found our last hiding place and we can't have that again now can we. no. we sleep with it now. we wake with it now. and all the better to have it with us all the time so we won't miss a thing. like when the little boy is washed out to sea in a rushing torrent of h's and o's and they call in the chopper and let down the rope cuz "no fucking way i am going out in that. are you kidding me? protecting and saving people that are stupid enough to go up against insurmountable odds is why i chose to volunteer once a month. doesn't that imply to you that i am not stupid enough to be one of those people?" and with a rush and a gurgle woven nylon is grasped and dry land is found and that's enough reality for now so how about let's try our luck and spin the wheel and see if we can't get one more glimpse before he retires and pretend we don't notice the level of liquid rising and just not think about it until we have to which by the by is right around the exact same time as way too fucking late and then we can just alleviate our own problems by opening the door and letting it out into the world to not just ours but our neighbors and they will do the same if not now then later and then we'll all be in it together just like we never really believed we were and "hey what was that kid's name anyway?" "which kid?" "you know the one. what ever ended up happening to him?" "who?" "nah fuck it. pass the cheese puffs man."

The Human Slinky

2007-06-21T09:53:00.000-07:00

Dressed To Impress.

Ninny Milk?

2007-06-19T13:54:00.001-07:00

Something is wrong.

thanks Devin Debenning for the lead.

zack.

New Favorite Show

2007-06-18T10:20:00.000-07:00

Flight of the Concords blew my socks off. This show is so funny. I sat with Lauren, laughing hysterically for the majority of the show. The following are some highlights.

THUNDERCATS - HO!

2007-06-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

While reading the trades the other day I found out that the boys over at Warner's lot have went ahead and optioned a script to make a Thundercats live action movie. Fantastic four can eat a stick.

Then while searching today I found this awesome fake website from the late 90's, look at the cast:

Thundercats

FRENCH AMERICAN IDOL WINNER IS GENIUS

2007-06-13T16:19:00.000-07:00

Here you go folks, the Nouvelle Star winner is pure genius.
I'll bootleg his new album for sure!

Andre 3K is 1-a-da best

2007-06-11T11:34:00.000-07:00

Snoop. regular. devin. always a pleasure. Andre 3000. Nothing Better.

Understand This

2007-06-08T12:59:00.001-07:00

Remember how good this song is?

Good Commercial

2007-06-06T14:55:00.000-07:00

This commercial never saw the light of day....until now.

I'm getting worse and worse at this as the days go by.

zack.

AKON IS AMAZING

2007-06-04T13:11:00.001-07:00

This post is a little sideways but seriously, this is hilarious!

OH WOW

2007-06-04T10:23:00.000-07:00

Sarah Silverman kills it. So Funny:

Hog Wild

2007-05-31T09:15:00.001-07:00

11 Year old boy ~~catches~~ kills the biggest ferel pig anybody has ever killed. Whoever took the picture is a genius of composition, but this thing is still a monstrous animal. Check There Official Website Here for more pictures. There is also a Negative vs Positive comment section.

Who would ever leave negative comments on such an awesome kid? 11 years old defeating a massive beast? I'm sure there was some tree hugging sicko around telling the indians they were disgusting people for throwing spears at buffalo and trusting the white man. Look where that got the Indians guys. seriously.

zack.

I'm Back Fool

2007-05-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

Don't you love that Donald Trump has the money to make Miss USA go on to the next round in the Miss Universe competition even though she fell flat on her arse?

love dem honey buns VS no gas money

2007-05-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

A couple of Louisianan co-workers were driving to work when the passenger decided he wanted a honey bun. I would imagine the conversation went like this:

"ey beeitch, pull ova, I want me a honey bun."

"yeah ok, next exit I'll get off."

"that aint qwik enuff bitch, pull over now, imma fightchoo"

So the driver is livid and pulls over and they begin to fight. The passenger slices the drivers neck open with a knife. The driver lives but is stitched up at the neck. The passenger was arrested on battery charges.

Later that night a guy was arguing with his wife about his drinking problem when she kicked him out of the car to hitch home. A kind couple picked him up and drove him down the highway toward his destination. When he was finally let out of the car the sweet couple that offered to give him a ride asked him for some gas money. He told them he didn't have any and the driver kicked him out of the car and sliced his face open from ear to lip with a box cutter.

Maybe we should make it harder for people in Louisiana to obtain materials that could be used to slice peoples faces.

There are ways to take action if you are approached by a lunatic with a knife, of course you need a knife yourself. CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT HOW TO KNIFE FIGHT.

yet another hilarious knife fighting website.

zack.

p.s. always bring a gun to a knife fight.

[source The Shreveport Times]

Picture This: Italy

2007-05-21T07:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the pictures from our Honeymoon are up and if you ever get the chance to go to Italy, take advantage and don't think one minute about anything going on back in North America. Click the picture above to head to the collection.

Also, if you get the chance find someone perfect and marry that person. It's better than Italy.

The Aussies Are At It Again

2007-05-18T09:27:00.000-07:00

You Aussies never give up with your pranks. It seems that for a fund-raiser, even prison officers will dress up like queens and dance the YMCA.

At a prison near the eyre peninsula in southern Australia, the prison manager adorned a beautiful dress and danced with the inmates to the village people:

Di Cooper, prison manager of Port Lincoln jail, on the Eyre Peninsula, has been told not to report for work after photographs were published of her wearing fancy dress and dancing with prisoners.

Inmates also were pictured in fancy dress with some in drag and others dressed as members of the 1980s disco group, The Village People.

The photographs came to light during an investigation already under way into an allegation alcohol was served during a fundraising function at the same jail last December

Keep it up Mates. You're making the world a more funner place.

zack.

[source Mercury The Voice Of Tasmania]

post script: Brian Brown, this is you next year.

I'm Back With A Little Internal Decapitation

2007-05-17T06:59:00.000-07:00

Ok I'm back and a big thank you to Brian Brown , who has a new website, for posting while I was gone.

Now that I'm back I got a wild story for you. This lady crashes her car right?...her skull is completely ripped from her spinal cord right? . . . but the skin on her neck is fine right?... so she basically just has this floating skull on top of her neck that just keeps slipping around and shit right? . . . and she lives?

CRAZE!

thanks to my brother Tim for telling me about this

[source CNN]

my new career

2007-05-14T13:50:00.000-07:00

today i decided on a new summer jobby/career path. over the weekend i made a few drawings and did some thinking. i want to do caricatures at an amusement park, for the rest of my life. or just do them on the street. here is a picture of einstein that i drew.

my sister provided me with an alternative idea though. she suggested that i just draw everyone like this:

no matter what.

then i decided that it would be really funny to pretend like you're drawing the person right. when infact you're just drawing highly detailed pictures of weiners or something. or a cow.

my first guest post

2007-05-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

hey all you loyal zack mctee's blog readers! this is brian brown and i've been invited to be the guest blogger during mctee's two week long 'doin it' excursion. anyway, i don't usually find particularly interesting news stories like mctee does, so i'm just going to blog about things that i do.

tonight i went to see 'hot fuzz' by meself at the theater in layton. i guess spiderman 3 comes out tomorrow, so there were huge lines to see the midnight showing. i'm about to call pulley up and see if he wants to go moon the movie line. i'd better hurry up before they let them in the theater. but dude, there are SO many people, who are going to get well acquainted with my poopy butt. i'll keep you updated with some photos. later.

update:

pulley has a lot of homework to do tonight, and he is the only person i know in layton who would be into it. which means no mooning tonight. it's cool though, cause i think harry potter comes out next month.

Rambo Dolphins Released

2007-05-01T10:15:00.000-07:00

The story below is apparently old news, but boy is it funny? I guess a bunch of military dolphins are possibly missing in the the gulf of Mexico. Military trained, armed with darts, and the smartest dolphins of all time...this shit seems scary.

It may be the oddest tale to emerge from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.

Experts who have studied the US navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet's smartest. The US navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing.

Article continues
Dolphins have been trained in attack-and-kill missions since the Cold War. The US Atlantic bottlenose dolphins have apparently been taught to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels. Their coastal compound was breached during the storm, sweeping them out to sea. But those who have studied the controversial use of dolphins in the US defence programme claim it is vital they are caught quickly.

Leo Sheridan, 72, a respected accident investigator who has worked for government and industry, said he had received intelligence from sources close to the US government's marine fisheries service confirming dolphins had escaped.

'My concern is that they have learnt to shoot at divers in wetsuits who have simulated terrorists in exercises. If divers or windsurfers are mistaken for a spy or suicide bomber and if equipped with special harnesses carrying toxic darts, they could fire,' he said. 'The darts are designed to put the target to sleep so they can be interrogated later, but what happens if the victim is not found for hours?'

Usually dolphins were controlled via signals transmitted through a neck harness. 'The question is, were these dolphins made secure before Katrina struck?' said Sheridan.

The mystery surfaced when a separate group of dolphins was washed from a commercial oceanarium on the Mississippi coast during Katrina. Eight were found with the navy's help, but the dolphins were not returned until US navy scientists had examined them.

Sheridan is convinced the scientists were keen to ensure the dolphins were not the navy's, understood to be kept in training ponds in a sound in Louisiana, close to Lake Pontchartrain, whose waters devastated New Orleans.

The navy launched the classified Cetacean Intelligence Mission in San Diego in 1989, where dolphins, fitted with harnesses and small electrodes planted under their skin, were taught to patrol and protect Trident submarines in harbour and stationary warships at sea.

Criticism from animal rights groups ensured the use of dolphins became more secretive. But the project gained impetus after the Yemen terror attack on the USS Cole in 2000. Dolphins have also been used to detect mines near an Iraqi port.

[source international observer]

2007-04-30T15:13:00.001-07:00

BANGER ALERT!

Can't Stop laughing

2007-04-30T09:35:00.001-07:00

AT THIS!

Haven't Been In A While?

2007-04-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

To busy with work to go to the confessional booth? It's cool. Technology once again proves itself helpful.
Many churches are now offering online confessional. Does this take away the humility of walking in to the booth? Yes. And also does this raise the amount of jerk off dudes that are going to log on and bull shit their way through confessional? Maybe, but it actually appears to me that there are a ton of really hurt people in this world that have never had an outlet to get everything they've ever done off of their chest. I understand myself that I can give that up to God but I think this site might be helpful for people that need to put things in words, or say things out loud, or just for someone to hear them. Check out one of the online confessionals below.

www.IveScrewedUp.com

zack.

2007-04-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

don't worry, American Dream is coming soon, and here's the debut clip from Mike Jones' upcoming album:

And for those of you that haven't had the joy of listening to the radio, listen to these new played out songs:

And to keep up with the rap music postin, Imma post up this song where Chamillionaire dares to say he has a king kong ding dong:

That's All Folks!

2007-04-26T10:59:00.001-07:00

It's all said and done folks. We are Husband & Wife! Thank you all for your love & support, we are so thankful to have friends and family like all of you! It was an amazingly fun filled night last night with life long memories of spilled wine and being late to your own wedding.

If you're bored with all this love stuff and marriage stuff, have no fear, I've got an alternative blog for you because from now on this is gonna be a place to know everything there is to know about me and lauren...Just Kidding. But if you do want an alternative blog to mine HERE IT IS.

Back to the random blogging folks...and maybe the occasional personal blog.

zack.

TODAY IS A CELEBRATION

2007-04-25T16:19:00.000-07:00

Everybody, even though I'm not having a big wedding where all of you can be there, I still want everyone to celebrate this special day. Please go out, have dinner, have a some drinks, get wasted, do whatever, but please celebrate this day in the mental sense with me and Lauren.

AND Take a some pictures...or at least one. I want to make a big photo collage of everyone in all their different places celebrating our wedding!

WISH ME LUCK! I'm Extremely excited. This is the most important day of my life to date!

LOVE,

Zack.

Tomorrow

2007-04-24T09:51:00.000-07:00

By the power invested in Dean Millwood, tomorrow in a very private ceremony, Lauren Turner and I will be pronounced Man And Wife. I appreciate everyone's love and support in our decision to be married and please don't be offended if you weren't invited because frankly...nobody was invited. It's just the two of us, Reverend Millwood, and two witnesses. I look forward to posting some pictures soon for everyone to enjoy.

Keep us in your prayers. If you don't pray, wish us luck. If you're not in to luck maybe you can just think of us...and if you're not in to thinking then you're boring and never mind about the whole thing.

Then, on Wed. May 2nd we leave for Italy for 14 days. We are going to Venice, Cinque Terre, Tuscany, Florence, and Rome*.

If you would like to buy us a gift to start us on our way to forever, we are registered at:

Crate & Barrel

&

Target

Love you all,

Zack.

*don't worry, the blog will continue to be updated. Brian Brown will be the guest editor while I'm gone.

Curbside Birth...The New Coat Hanger

2007-04-23T10:14:00.000-07:00

A San Francisco hobo realized it was time for her baby to be born so she laid down, flexed, popped it out, bit the umbilical cord off, and walked away, free of the burden of a fat belly...Finally, she can shoot up again!

someone called 911 after the woman was seen giving birth on 5th and
Stevenson streets in San Francisco at around 9:34 p.m.

When an ambulance arrived, a five-pound 12-ounce baby boy was found alive
and kicking, but his mother was nowhere to be found

The policeman says:

"In a way, it was probably the best thing that could have happened to that
child."

[Enjoy the source, it's pure gold]

Happy Earth Day

2007-04-22T15:40:00.000-07:00

Go HERE to see what you can do to change the world.

Click the audio clip tomorrow and listen to the whole thing. Cause soon the man singing it is gonna be a lazer shooting robot, as I mentioned here.

We should all try this.

2007-04-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

It's called Agloco. It isn't a pyramid scheme and it actually seems to make sense. I know there's been buzz around these retarded things called Burn Lounges which are actually ridiculous and cost you money.

This is free and if you read through it, you'll see that it's pretty legit. It's free and doesn't require you to sell your soul. I think it's worth a shot, check it out and tell me what you think.

AGLOCO

zack.

p.s. more from 0ne of my childhood journals later.

alec baldwin loves his visitation rights

2007-04-19T16:32:00.000-07:00

CLICK THIS TEXT TO LISTEN TO ALEC BALDWIN FLIP THE EF OUT ON HIS 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER....HILARIOUS!!!!!

A Note From My Brother

2007-04-19T15:06:00.000-07:00

In an old journal of mine that I took from my brother, scratched his name out, and used for my own, their is a not so cryptic message that he wrote in the back that I want to share with everyone.

Scamming Scammers

2007-04-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

Ever receive a Nigerian Email scam letter? They are brilliant. But even more brilliant are these guys. Click on the image below and read through the archived stories. SO great. They've turned scamming these scammers in to an art!

Who Likes Rap?!

2007-04-18T09:10:00.000-07:00

Philadelphia is in an uproar over a Rappin ass Firefighter who used some slanderous rhymes in one of his raps:

"I hope the news is taping this, 'cause I'm gonna turn pigs into bacon bits."

His name you ask? "Rodney Jean Jacques"

His music video you ask?

His Myspace page you ask?

HERE

Where you can download his controversial song you ask?

HERE

And you can also find this motha funny on imeem if you search for Jean Jacques.

Good Day Good Folks

zack.

Ah, My Favorite Lunch

2007-04-17T14:07:00.000-07:00

Classified Ad: Kidnapper Needed

2007-04-17T09:38:00.000-07:00

NEWS

This is awesome. Thank you Fark.com for being an amazing source for all things important.

Some lady tried to hire someone off of myspace to kidnap her child from her baby's daddy. People are genius.

[source fark]

Massive

2007-04-16T10:56:00.000-07:00

Yikes. New UGK album should be retarded. Listen to this new joint. BANGER! Beginning freestyle is koopa as all get out.

SEPTEMBER DAWN

2007-04-16T10:16:00.000-07:00

Check it out. This movie sets out to tell the story of how the Mormons savagely murdered a gripload of people just for not believing what they believe. CTR.

Click Here To Visit SEPTEMBER DAWN's Website

zack.

NerdFest

2007-04-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

Do you have two computer monitors and know what CSS is? I bet occasionally you pat yourself on the back for figuring out what was causing the muck up in the html code right?

You probably think you're a big nerd too. I got news for you.

[source impactlab.com]

Brian? Why You Tryin To Steal His Shoe?

2007-04-13T12:56:00.000-07:00

My friend Brian Brown has been real hard on the talks of this top secret shoe he's making. I have a feeling I know why he's been trying to make it happen so bad...He's Bittin!

For More of Darshaun's videos click here

zack.

Happy

2007-04-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday The 13th

Good Luck Today!

Zack.

HOLY SPIT!

2007-04-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

I can't thank my friend Carr Schilling enough for sending me this video today. Wow. this shit is definitely bananas. Holy shit. Holy Spit:

Sway Dasafo better watch his back. Cuz these mutha wawa's are killing everything. I wish they had some yish on itunes.

zack.

OHHHHH SOOOO

2007-04-12T09:06:00.000-07:00

So the Chinese have had it with our mocking the way they speak Engrish and have decided that if they are going to host the 2008 Olympics, they are going to ban bad English. They are also pouring 40 billion dollars in to rebuilding their city so signs like the following can be corrected:

A store selling tobacco products advertises: "An Excellent Winding Smoke."

On the floor at Beijing's Capital Airport, a sign reads: "Careful Landslip Attention Security."

On a billboard, this mysterious message: "Shangri-La is in you mind, but your Buffalo is not."

In an elevator, parents are warned: "Please lead your child to tare the life."

I understand their wanting everything to be right but, honestly, this is going to make China the most boring place that used to be cool, ever.

[source yahoo]

American Idol

2007-04-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

I haven't followed American Idol loyally this year but I can assure you I know why it was so lame last night.

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT

and in other TV news, Aside from low viewers on Sunday* The Sopranos was really good.

and and in other TV news, Johnny Drama is still the star of Entourage in my eyes, and it's harder to think Jeremy Piven is cool after his recent Douche Bag Moves.

Is this a celebrity blog? NO so, here's something that isn't stupid:

I know, it's just a link back to my site, which I happen to think isn't at all stupid, but isn't that enter image hilarious too? I might make that the main page of my website.

zack.

*It was Easter Sunday, did everybody really think the ratings were gonna be through the roof...And yeah, I'm sure Entourage had it's best opening ever but Entourage is also more advertised than Sopranos. Set up a Marketing campaign for Sopranos on Myspace** where if you and a few of your friends are "gangster" enough will get flown to LA for a guest roll on the Sopranos...I PROMISE the ratings will go up.

**This is what Entourage does every year. They run a massive Myspace campaign...like, "THINK YOUR FRIENDS ARE AS COOL AS VINNIE CHASE?" type of shit.

More Bathroom Chaos

2007-04-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

So I'm told probably one of the best stories I've heard in a while yesterday by my brother, and I want to hear some feedback and do a little survey:

Tim
So I'm at the airport right?

Me
Yeah Ok

Tim
And I've got to take a dump
before I get on the plane

Me
Right, pretty standard procedure

Tim
Ok, well I'm sitting there, and this man comes
in to the stall and a small pair of pink shoes is
following behind him. She, from what I can gather,
sits down and goes pee.

Me
Alright

Tim
Well this is where it gets extremely ridiculous

Me
Ok

Tim
So the dad says, "alright sweety, go stand in the corner,"
and begins to take the biggest nastiest shit I have ever
heard in my life. So the little girl is just laughing in the corner
and the dad is like, "be quiet sweety," and just continues to destroy
the toilet which makes the little girl giggle uncontrollably. So the dad
is super mad and is like shitting real loud and yelling at the daughter to
stop laughing, mean while dudes in the other stalls are shitting themselves
(no pun intended) with laughter.

Me
(laughing uncontrollably)

Tim
Yeah man you should blog this and take a survey on it

Me
OK!

______________________________________________________________

So, if you were stuck in an airport with your child of different sex, and you had to take the biggest 2 of your life, what would you do? Obviously post your answers in the comments section.

Need A Reason?

2007-04-09T13:20:00.000-07:00

So, Steve French, a good friend of mine who lives in New York and has always been amazingly good at making me want to kill myself by showing me what things are really made of, sent me a link today. A link to the truth. . . or is it. . . the beauty of being human is you get to decide, but the downside of the truth is that it's fact and if you choose to believe it or not it doesn't change.

So basically it's time to throw the gauntlet in the fire and let yourself fall in too cause Noam Chomsky will make you sad and you're one of two types of people: the type that want to do something about it, in which case upon reading some of the shit on this site you will want to kill yourself cause your overwhelmed with how much bull yish goes on everywhere....or your the type of person that says, "this can't effect me," in which case you'll want to kill yourself cause you think everybody is just bitching about issues that don't matter and your better off dead.

So go read it...and, think about the gun.

zack.

INAMMO.com

note: make up relevance for the picture, it's mostly there cause it's stupid funny.

Monday

2007-04-09T09:19:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday Everybody. Check out this video I saw on the news the other night. Two otters...In love.

zack.

HAPPY EASTER

2007-04-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

For Easter I have two things for everyone:
1. a classic video
2. a great link

ladies and gentlemen ... the goddess bunny. I know you've all probably seen this, and I'm sure you saw it before everyone else that already saw it but bitch... I saw it first ...so watch it again cause it's funny:

AND THE LINK!

Happy Easter everyone. Have a blessed day.

Oh, and for more info on the goddess bunny, a.k.a. Sandie Crisp, a.k.a. Johnnie Baima, click here

FRANCE

2007-04-05T09:17:00.000-07:00

The French thought they figured it out:

"Ok, veel do zeez adz vhaiw wii twy tu get zee chiwdwenz tu stop having unprutected zex becus aidz is vecoming gwuite zee pwoblem."

and VWALA! The below images were born.

The only problem is that the government forgot that the Frenchies are totally in to the creepy shit above and if you tell them that's what it's like to have sex without a condom, they're gonna do what they always do about everything else....Stick there little noses in the air and shuv their middle finger in your face.

GOOD MORNING!

zack.

2007-04-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

It turns out that my drinking of over 8 tall cups of coffee per day isn't such a bad thing. According to sources at Mayo Clinic I am the type of person that can benefit from 6 or more coffee cups a day. "the equivalent of six cups of coffee a day - may slightly enhance weight loss in people who exercise and maintain a low-fat diet."

Just drink that shit black and you'll be fine. It's when you start adding all that creamer and sugar that you run in to problems.

So tip back a tall cup of Black for your man Zack and make it a healthy morning.

[link to source]

zack.

A Bachelorette Party To Remember

2007-04-03T13:57:00.000-07:00

So some of Lauren's closest friends, including her younger sister, who is soon to be my older sister, came in to town over the weekend. Their plans were to include having a little bachelorette type of thing, and a bridal shower. So, on Friday night they all went to Winston's which is the newest Hollywood hot-spot. They hung out there for a minute before going to The Roosevelt, yet again another paparazzi hang out.

At the Roosevelt on this particular Friday night, Hugh Hefner decided to throw a party. He hired a bunch of girls to have their private parts painted and walk around poolside aimlessly.

So Lauren and her friends, being the loving sweet people that they are, decided to, rather than act snobby, embrace one of these painted vixens. Her name was Tasha...She's the one blurred out above.

At one point all the girls went to the bathroom and they saw a girl breaking one of the painted girl cardinal rules...she had gone pee. they weren't supposed to go pee the whole time they were there. . . so what do Lauren and her friends see this girl doing to pretend she hadn't gone pee? . . . You guessed it, She's standing in the mirror re-applying the black "panties" with her mascara brush.

Needless to say they had a crazy...funny...weird...and amazing night.

TO SEE THE UNCENSORED VERSION, AND FIND OUT WHO THE REAL TASHA IS CLICK HERE

Monsters

2007-04-03T09:45:00.000-07:00

OK, I've got a real juicy news article* coming up later in the day, but until then you really need to see this cute little girl talk about what she's gonna do to the monsters.

*Lauren's Bachelorette Party

I'm Officially Official

2007-04-02T16:26:00.000-07:00

You heard it right folks. I've gone and done it. I got an official URL. From now on save yourself the time of all the "blah blah blah dot blah blah blah dot blah blah blah dot com". Your fingers are going to thank me.

drum roll

WWW.ZACKMCTEE.COM

and, if you must

WWW.iTHINKiBLOG.COM

I bought em both. It's done. The world is gonna be set on fire.

SHOOTER

2007-04-02T10:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm making this short cause it's not lunch time yet and some of us have real life jobs where we actually have to do real life things unlike you suckers that get to be imaginary all day*.

WHAT RAMBO WAS THEN, SHOOTER IS NOW.

zack.

*i envy you.

Toilet Paper Guy

2007-03-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

The reason I call this the toilet paper guy and not the toilet paper girl is because I only know of the asthetics of the Mens' restroom. However, I'm sure theres a Toilet Paper Gal too. Regardless, we'll call this person the TPG to cover all of our bases.

You know the crack in the toilet stall doors? The TPG is the person responsible for hanging a piece of TP from the top of the stall to cover the hole. . . WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU DO THAT?...The only reason you would have to hang a piece of TP from the stall is because you are doing something you don't want someone to see, in which case hanging a piece of TeePee from the stall only makes people more funking curious as to what's going on.

I also believe that this person hangs the TeePee from the stall cause he thinks you're gonna try and peek in at his baby yoohoo. Why would he think you'd ever even want to look at his WaWa? Because he is the person that can't help looking in at the stalls on his way out of the bathroom and he thinks you are going to do the same. Classic case of, "it's ok for me to do it but 'WHAT THE F. ARE YOU LOOKIN AT?'"

Basically the TPG is a closet case or a regular girl.

zack.

I <3 Mike Jackson

2007-03-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson is in the plans of building a 50ft Robot in the Nevada desert just outside of Las Vegas. The robot will roam the desert shooting lazer beams all over the place. The robot seems to be some sort of introduction to a new Show Mike's trying to do in Vegas.

How'd Mike come up with this idea? Here's my guess:

two little boys are jumping on a bed with punch stains in the corners of their mouth. A sweaty Michael lays on his silky pillow case in his leopard print pajamas. He smiles.

Michael
Boys, what if I got my own show in Las Vegas?

Boy 1
Like Celine Dion

Michael
Yeah, but betta.

Boy 2
My mom loves Celine

Michael
But with your guys' help I could
make it better right? What
would I need

Boy 1
You need a Robot

Boy 2
Yeah, like on Star Wars

Boy 1
Yeah it could be a clone robot

Boy 2
with lazer beams

Michael pulls both boys down and three way kisses them.

Michael
You boys are so silly...but
it's genius. I'll do it. There all
gonna love me again.

Cross Dissolve To

50 ft Michael clone shooting lazer beams all over the desert. A plane passes by that can visibly see the JackObot. The two little boys and Michael stare out of one of the windows and wave at the robot.

The robot turns to the camera and winks like in Thriller.

Fade To Black

[source YAHOO]

Vice Tv

2007-03-28T15:18:00.000-07:00

I know you few visitors hardly ever listen to me but I'm telling you again how genius Vice Tv is (www.vbs.tv).

For those of you that love listening to musicians you love, there's soft focus with four part episodes of some amazing musicians talking about themselves...amongst other things:

Andrew WK:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Chan Marshall:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Genesis P. Orridge:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Henry Rollins:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Ian Mackaye:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Will Oldham:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

for those of you that skateboard, there's Epicly Laterd which focuses it's attention on skateboarding and it's culture:

Neck Face
Braydon Szafranski Part 1
Braydon Szafranski Part 2
Andrew Reynolds
Mexico
Kevin “Spanky” Long - Part 1
Kevin “Spanky” Long - Part 2
Jason Dill
Dustin Dollin - Part 1
Dustin Dollin - Part 2

and for those of you that just can't get enough of Vice's Do's And Don'ts section, it's now a television show with some of your favorite people (david cross, patrick odell, judah friedlander, har mar, chloe sevigny, and a bunch of people who maybe i should know but dont) doing the commentary.

Seriously, this is getting tiring...coding...trying to convince you this shit is good...whatever else it is I'm doing. If you aren't already convinced click here, bite it, and play some Robinson Family Sudoku.

And if in fact you have been listening and didn't already know (cavemen) then check the link below for Patrick Odell's photo site...the inspiration behind his tv show.

www.epiclylaterd.com

Keep It Gangster,

zack.

I've been busy

2007-03-23T09:20:00.000-07:00

Sorry. I've been busy. I encourage you to go back to the very first post I ever posted and read from there to the current days blog. . . by then I promise I will have something nice for you to look at.

Tonight I get "me and you and everyone we know" from Netflix, and boy oh boy can I not wait to watch it. I've been told the below video is the best part of the movie which means there is still room for a shitload of very funny stuff:

I'm so pumped.

2007-03-02T10:09:00.000-08:00

Dual Releases of Mike Jones. Listen to the last thing he says in the Trailer... genius.

THE JAPANESE ARE NUTS

2007-02-27T15:31:00.000-08:00

Read up on Invisibility Cloaks. Harry Potter's got jack on the Japanese.

zack.

Waiting Patiently

2007-02-21T11:22:00.000-08:00

If you want to see something I'm super excited about, then CLICK HERE

Showtime is the best station on cable.

Thanks To Mostly Skateboarding Blog for introducing me to this.

zack.

New Favorite Blog

2007-02-16T14:32:00.001-08:00

SKATE BLOG

NEW MUSIC!

2007-02-14T20:42:00.000-08:00

NAS' NEW CD
Hip Hop Is Dead.
It's amazing.

r.i.p. hip hop

zack.

Most Of This Is Funny And Then Some Of It Isn't

2007-02-13T10:05:00.000-08:00

Didn't Post Yesterday But If I Could Turn

2007-02-08T09:40:00.000-08:00

Back the hands of time, I'd go back to yesterday and say:

Happy Birthday James Dewitt Yancey.

zack.

I don't care who you are

2007-02-06T14:08:00.000-08:00

You could never dominate Billy Marks in any ping pong game. This is Billy Marks bonus footage for the Toy Machine video.

Big ups to muh main main Brian Brown for showing me this.

Vice Tv

2007-02-05T14:34:00.000-08:00

The extremely funny and smart folks over at VICE, who are kind enough to invite us in to their eft up minds once a month via the pages of VICE MAGAZINE, have done it again. They have created The Vice Broadcasting System. It launched yesterday and I suggest you go check out the W.O. aka B.P.B. aka P.B. aka P.M. aka P. aka B.B. interview. Always a good time.

And if you're still starving for relevant shit check HERE for Vice's Official Website. It's basically their publication in an online form...what are the kids calling it now a days? webzine?

And if that's not enough check out Patrick Odell's photos HERE . He works for Vice and is also a daily, "must check to see if he updated," of mine.

R.I.P. Barbaro

2007-01-29T11:54:00.000-08:00

No one should morn his death for he gave his own life as a sacrifice and is standing in a golden stable next to Ofelia's throne.

This Is Incredible

2007-01-25T14:40:00.001-08:00

America Makes A Gnarly Ray Gun

Ray Lamotagne

2007-01-22T10:57:00.000-08:00

I've always thought this dude was way on point. Now I know without a doubt in my mind he is.

My New Favorite

2007-01-17T14:34:00.000-08:00

How I found this awesome pro wrestler's videos.

I went to youtube. There was a featured video of a guy who will draw your picture via webcams, I watched it, it sucked, I saw on the side panel a video of the champion of freehand circle drawing, I watched it, pretty stupid but nerdily cool, I then saw a video of a guy who claims that the guy that draws the perfect circle is a fraud and that he is the real thing and that the other guy was on steroids and that's why he can draw the perfect circle so fast and great, that was funny, then I saw this guy, watched his video, looked at his profile, was thoroughly amazed, and here he is in his victorious style:

Check his shit out. The "STUPID BAPTIST" video is ridiculous.

zack.

She Sucks

2007-01-12T13:52:00.000-08:00

Thanks www.wwtdd.com

Git Throwed!

2007-01-11T14:27:00.001-08:00

This Song Is On Point

Jake Eames

2007-01-06T12:55:00.000-08:00

Jake is an incredible individual. I'm not even sure if individual is a great enough way to describe someone who is as talented as he is on a skateboard, has created his own post modern spelling style so appropriately titled "creative spelling," takes a special vitamin called minchex that is a natural mood stabilizer, and almost an hour after eating a spaghetti dinner still looks like this:

Click on images for a much larger view. Notice the piece of black something or other in the corner of his mouth...yikes.

Also remember that this dude does not smoke weed and somehow gets laid all the time. Pass the minchex please.

zack.

A Couple Of Short Films

2007-01-02T14:08:00.000-08:00

Two friends entered their films in the Attack Of The 50 Ft Reels.

Carter Baldwin- The Poison Hot Dog

Jason Tenenbown- Why I Fish

Also, check out Carters first short film, "the glass eye"